Jaimee + Marli’s Positive Home Birth

I always knew two things, I would meet my baby before her due date and she would be a Cancer. The very first decision I made as a mother was that my baby would be born at home. 

After a couple of months following the initial shock and numbness of finding out I was pregnant, I had found a midwife, I'd found a prenatal yoga class, we had signed up for a hypnobirthing course, and my mind was starting to shift into the idea of motherhood! 

My pregnancy was lovely! Once the nausea and mental adjustment of first trimester had passed, I really enjoyed being pregnant. I was the healthiest I'd ever been and loved the changes my body went through. I wrote letters to my baby and spent lots of time watching and reading positive birth stories. 

My prenatal yoga classes were so important during my pregnancy. This was my time connect with my baby. Andi was so good at helping me switch my mind off from work and totally focus on myself. I loved hearing how all the other mums were doing and what week they were. Everyone's highlights, challenges and journey were so different.

Andi was also our hypnobirthing teacher. A couple of friends had told me about hypnobirthing and how much it had helped their pregnancy and birth. I was happy when I found A Calm Space. We went to a weekend course with Andi and it really empowered both of us. It was the perfect combination of practicality and positivity. We used so many of the techniques throughout the pregnancy and labour. I never attended an antenatal class so this was all the 'learning' I had. It was all I needed.

Trying to achieve my homebirth was not easy! At times I felt unheard, incompetent, and I'd feel anxious every time I had to engage with the health care system. There was one point near the end of pregnancy where I nearly gave up the idea of homebirth and thought it wasn't worth it; the obstacles were taking away the happiness and beauty of my pregnancy. This is the part where my new found support network reminded me of the bigger picture. 

 I've decided to leave the details of this part of my journey out of my birth story. All I will say is; don't give up, advocate for yourself, make your intentions and preferences blatantly clear, and build up your support team with like-minded people. 

The birth:

The night before my waters broke, just before we went to sleep, Arus commented that I was glowing. We'd had an awesome maternity photo shoot with August Luxe earlier in the week and the photographer had done a great job at capturing the beauty of my pregnancy. So my self-esteem was restored and this comment actually felt true!

It was a new moon, so we had written some of our fears about birth on pieces of paper and burned them.

My waters broke early the next morning at 1am. I woke Arus up, mostly because I needed him to confirm this was really happening. I'd had some early labour signs throughout the week. I can't explain why but I enjoyed the feeling of my waters breaking so much, I loved it! I was giggling and smiling. We decided it was best to try and go back to sleep, because who knows what would happen next. Every time I dozed back to sleep, my body jolted me awake with a mild contraction, I think my baby needed me upright. So by 4am, I got up for a hot shower and let Arus keep sleeping, I knew I'd need him later. I did the dishes and added some final touches to our birth space that we had set up the week before. It felt ready!

Arus got up around 7am and helped me put the TENs machine on, the contractions were starting to feel more than mild and I read that it was best to start using the TENs early. We decided to let our birth team know what was going on and how the day would go. Just the two of us spent the day together, playing music, eating, doing laundry, snuggling the dog, and reflecting on our journey so far.
To think we'd only be friends for a year by this point. It was a beautiful time to reflect on all the shifts and changes that had occurred to prepare us for this day. I felt ready!

My contractions were tolerable and intermittent all day, I enjoyed practicing my breathing through them. Every time I felt nervous, I would read my affirmations that I had adapted from the Hypnobirthing course. I felt at peace knowing my body was doing everything it should be.

By the evening, we seemed to have a pattern so we called our friend Sophia to come over. She arrived with food for dinner and her camera. I didn't realize at the time how grateful I would be later for the cameras. She joined our little bubble and we watched some Netflix and my contractions started to intensify. It was quite funny, one minute we're chatting, a very normal movie night between friends, and the next, I'm flopped over in a surge, only to just snap back to the conversation. This was blowing Sophia's mind!

I found it easier to move between the couch, swiss ball and toilet for each surge. The toilet thing is true! This little private space was key to my labour progress. At one point, I had a shower. This was amazing and gave me a chance to see how effective the TENs machine actually was. I continued to put my myself in all kinds of positions around the house and Arus and Sophia were right there, applying pressure and touch to my body and laughing at my jokes.

Around 9pm, Andi, my prenatal yoga teacher and our hypnobirthing educator arrived. We all sat around together, talking and laughing in between contractions. I loved how everyone just gave me my space to do this and how Arus knew exactly what to do. As expected, soft touch and lower back pressure was my savior. He instinctively started breathing next to me, kind of a reminder of what I needed to do without saying it. I needed that!

It wasn't long before I got into the pool. I had wanted to be in there all day but I knew I would feel relaxed and was afraid of my labour stalling. So, once I felt like my baby was really ready to meet us, I got in. I spent time in there and on the toilet. I got out a few times to see if the couch or floor helped ease the back pain, but the pool was the place I kept going back to.

My team kept giving me water and reassuring me. Arus called our midwife close to 11pm and she arrived before midnight. I was nearly fully dilated which I didn’t know at the time. This is when babies heartbeat needed to be monitored with the doppler. After a day of running off instinct, I found this difficult to adjust to, which I expressed to my midwife. I remember saying "just put in the notes that the mother refused it". That's when it made this insane screeching noise and eventually, the doppler broke. I trusted and knew my baby was okay! A second midwife arrived sometime later.

Time and details became a blur after this. I went into my own world! Arus was there with me for every single surge! They were short but intense. I wanted to give up. I started thinking "ohmygod, was I that delusional? Thinking I could do this at home, all those people were right, I should just admit defeat!" This thought stuck with me for quite a while and I sobbed. My whole team reminded me in their own way what that meant and Arus literally used the words "Kōhine to Māmā". The transition!

I moved into all kinds of positions in the pool and I got louder and louder. They were not screams, more like roars. Andi reminded me at one point to direct that noise down into my body. I needed something to encourage me from within. Everything around me was just right, it was only me who needed that mental kick from myself, I wanted it to just be over. I was falling asleep between contractions, my body was absolutely exhausted. Arus was holding my head above the water as I fell asleep into his palm.

I leaned back and felt between my legs, it felt rounded, I knew my baby was there, waiting for me to find the strength. I bargained with myself, "I reckon I can meet her in 4 more pushes max" in the next contraction, I directed every bit of strength I had down my body. She just about squeezed her head through, that was the moment all my power and my belief in myself returned. In the next surge, her head came out. Thankfully, my midwife reminded me to pause here! I held her head, and I felt my baby turn her own body as if to get ready for my next push - we really were doing the work together. I said to Arus "our baby is here".

I did it! The next surge, she was out. I brought her up out of the water, straight onto my chest. We were instantly in love! She cried, I was in shock, my body shaking, did I really just do that?! 

Everyone left Arus and I for a moment. We agreed that she suited the name we had kept secret for months and told everyone in the room. We got out of the pool so she could be kept warm enough. I lay down on the floor and she latched on straight away. Arus, still there right by our side. The midwives offered me synthetic oxytocin to help deliver the placenta more quickly but I had thought about this and had it in my birth preferences, I said "let's see if my body can do that too", I was feeling very powerful! Plus, my baby was in my arms enjoying her first feed. Within ten minutes, I felt my final contraction and the placenta came out. Everyone was having a look at it and I loved hearing all the comments about how amazing it was - "the tree of life." We kept it for burial. The whole room was filled with love, all those hours and here she was! I'm still elated by the fact my birth dream came true! 

I had second degree tearing because of where her hand was. We tried to do the stiches at home but we ended up needing to go to the hospital. I never wanted this, but in the end it was my decision based on all the information from the midwives, they were amazing during this time! It was so important for it to feel like my decision and they were so patient with me. We were at the hospital for an hour. In hospital, Arus while holding our baby, held my hand and we both continued to use the breathing techniques and I happily accepted the gas! Afterwards, I got off the bed, put my clothes on, rung the bell and said we wanted to get home. It was 8am and the rest of the world were just starting their day. 

At home, it was just us three and Obi the dog, starting a sunny Friday morning with breakfast and coffee and starting our lives together.