Matilda’s Birth Day
A beautifully crafted letter of Matilda's birth by her māmā Kate, who wrote the story exactly as it unfolded. What a special letter to share and give to Matilda; the story of her birth.
Initially envisioning a home birth, Kate meticulously planned and visualized the experience she had dreamed of. However, when circumstances shifted, her resilience and comprehensive understanding of the options available to her allowed her to adapt without losing her positive and empowering outlook. It was truly a pleasure to accompany Kate and Tom on their pregnancy journey.
Matilda
Hi little Peanut. You are 29 hours new and currently sleeping in a milk coma on my chest as I write this. You are the most beautiful creature I have ever seen. Your birth was an incredible experience.
On Friday night your dad and I went to a get-together at Uncle Craig and Aunty Be’s house to celebrate her citizenship. I had had a really good day - got my nails done and had a beautiful massage. Earlier that day your dad had finished the last task we really needed done in order to birth in the pool at home - he had installed the caliphont instant hot water heater so we had a steady source of hot water for the pool (we had joked when I got home that you could come now as we were finally ready - you must have heard us!). We went to the party and while there I started having (what I thought were) practice surges or Braxton Hicks contractions. There were lots of them, tightenings through the top of my belly and some cramping through my crotch and hips, but I thought they were just the same warm-ups I’d been having for the last couple of months. We stayed at the party until about 9.30pm and then went home.
When I got home and went to the bathroom I saw there was some blood in my knickers and realised it was part of my mucus plug, but I knew it could still be weeks before you came along - in fact I was sure you wouldn’t arrive until the end of May, just a gut feeling that was clearly wrong!
We got into bed and your dad went to sleep pretty quickly. I sat up drinking raspberry leaf tea and writing in my journal and made some notes about the surges I was feeling - still convinced they were only practice ones. They were coming every five minutes or so but weren’t very intense. I went to sleep until I woke up at 1am (13th May) from the surges and this time I lay in bed and started timing them. I didn’t want to wake your dad up in case it was a false alarm, and even if it was the real deal I figured it would be a while so no need to rush. The surges were now about 30-60 seconds long and about 2-3-4 minutes apart, but still varying quite a bit in intensity - some were very minor while others had me up and about moving around to deal with the pressure.
I got up to use the toilet and found more blood and some mucus - even more signs that you were coming but still I wasn’t sure! At about 2am your dad woke up and I told him I thought maybe you were on your way but I wasn’t sure. The surges were still about 30-60 seconds long and about 2-5 minutes apart. I was confused as to whether this was early labour because I was expecting more time between some of the surges where I was supposed to have a chance to rest. I also didn’t want you to come too quickly because Steph, our midwife, was away for the day (and had even joked at our last appointment that I shouldn’t give birth on Friday or Saturday) and I didn’t want her to miss out!
I tried different positions and movement to help deal with the surges and also used the birthing ball for a bit, as well as the breathing techniques I had been practising, and your dad helped on and off with some soft touch and reassuring words, reminding me to relax my face and jaw and shoulders - he was amazing. We tried sleeping for a while and I think I got a little bit of rest, but the surges were gaining in intensity and were so close together so I didn’t get much.
Just before dawn I felt my waters break and they were clear and odourless. We decided to call Rosie (our doula) at about 6.30am to get some advice from her - everything felt like it was progressing way too quickly (I had no idea if I was still in early labour or not or if I had missed it completely!) and we weren’t sure when to get the pool ready or when to call the midwife.
After speaking to Rosie we decided to wait a couple of hours until the sun was up and call the midwife then, but about half an hour later when some more waters came out onto a pad they were a brownish-green colour which we knew meant meconium, a sign that you had done a poo in the womb and maybe weren’t doing so well in there. We called the midwife and sent her a picture and she recommended we go straight to the hospital for monitoring and to give birth there. That was not what me or your dad had wanted - we had planned to give birth to you at home where we could all be comfortable and safe. I was scared because being in hospital meant a higher chance of interventions and procedures, exactly what I didn’t want for you and I. But the midwife never pressured us or told us we had to do anything, she just told us her recommendation and let us make our own decision - she was ready to come to us if we decided not to go in.
In the end my mind came back to one of the affirmations I had been repeating through the pregnancy - I am prepared to calmly meet whatever turn my birthing takes. So we decided to go to the hospital to be sure you were doing OK. I was also feeling a bit uneasy with the fact that labour was going so fast, so it was almost a little reassuring to know we would be somewhere safe if anything else happened. Dad packed up everything we needed and thankfully we had a hospital bag ready to go.
We got to the hospital at about 9.30am. They had already pulled all the curtains and your dad put a towel up to cover the bright red digital clock on the wall. The midwife, Libby (who was a back-up for Steph and who we’d only met once a few weeks before) was so nice and talked us through what she thought was the best course of action - to have my tummy hooked up to continuous monitoring to make sure your heart rate was good. Not long after we arrived though I started feeling like I really needed to go to the toilet and knew I just wanted to get into a nice warm bath to try and get some relief from the intensity of the surges.
We filled the bath and it felt so good to get in. Rosie arrived then too and between her and your dad and Libby in the background I had an amazing support team. It didn’t take long once I was in the pool that I started feeling the urge to bear down. The pressure of feeling like I needed to poo was so intense! It felt like a long time that I was in the water and the surges felt like they were never going to end. I switched my breathing to the short sharp intake of breath and breathing down with the exhale and started pushing. I could feel your head getting so close to being born, and it felt like you were so far out already but when I reached my hand down to feel your head there was only a tiny bit of you I could touch and I was almost disappointed that you weren’t further out yet! I was starting to feel like I just couldn’t do it and the more times your head came out and then went back in the more I thought ‘it’s just not going to work this way, you’ll have to be born some other way’ (no idea what that might have been!). Pushing was one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life and I could feel everything stretching down there as your head was finally born.
I could feel things moving as your head was outside and your body was still inside, and I remember wondering if an arm or something had slipped out as I was feeling something tickling around there, but I think it was just blood and mucus and amniotic fluid. After only a minute the rest of you slipped out at 11.11am and I sat back to pull you up out of the water. It was the most amazing experience of my life, pulling you out of that water and seeing you for the first time after months of wondering what you would look like. I couldn’t get over how small you were - you had felt so big in my uterus and so big as you were being born, I was surprised at how little you were. You were little and perfect. We had a beautiful half hour of skin on skin before I gave you to your dad who had some skin on skin too, while I pushed out our placenta - what a relief that was!
As we had specified in the birth plan there was no monitoring or exams or anything - everyone left us to have our golden time together and bathe in the joy of meeting you. You had your first feed within about an hour or an hour and a half of being born and then you fell asleep - not surprising after all the work you did being born! I did have to have some stitches around my perineum and clitoris which was surprisingly more of an unbearable pain than giving birth but I guess that is all to do with mindset. Your dad and I had a beautiful few hours with you until about 3pm when you fell fast asleep and he went to get the carseat.
We were home with you for the first time by 5.30pm and Steph came over to meet you and hear all about your birth. She thought for sure I was in early labour already when we were at the party the night before, which kind of astounded me that I was in labour and didn’t realise it, and also was chatting to people about how it might be a few more weeks before you make your way into the world, when little did I know you were already on your way!
You are only a day or so new but every minute that passes with you is more special than the last. Thank you for blessing us and becoming a part of our world, little peanut. I can’t wait to see what you make of the world.
Photo credit - Rosie Dawn at Inner Rising
