Daina + Porter’s Hypnobirth
I’ve never been afraid of birth, in fact the opposite-excited, apprehensive, and also a chance for a challenge I never imagined I’d experience due to struggles to conceive. Like everything though, I like to feel educated, well informed and organised! I was lucky really because at the age I am (33), I’m surrounded by plenty of Māmās who have done a great job birthing their babies, no matter what turn it took. I spoke to many people, I listened in and I latched onto those experiences that felt aligned with me. A work colleague and friend was doing Andi Stringers Hypnobirthing course (The Positive Birth Program), after listening to the positive birth book she recommended-Marty and I decided that’s the organisation and education we needed. We did the course with another lovely couple and it was, I believe the main reason I carried out a birth that was exactly how I imagined, and wanted. We gained a toolbox of strategies that could get us through any situation.
Monday 16th August. I woke up feeling different. I had set myself a boundary to stop doing any weight based, high HR exercise at 39 weeks, so I set off to do my last workout at Boombox at 38+7. Everything that day felt different. More uncomfortable, heavy, and sore.
Tuesday 17th August 12.30am, I woke up and noticed I had a ‘bloody show’, without letting myself get too excited (I’d been wanting her earthside for a good week prior), I said to myself-‘remember, people can have their ‘show’ a good week or even longer to the main event. I went on back to bed, and started getting period like cramps but on a small scale. I didn’t need any strategies here. These went on for an hour, so I thought ‘this may be for real’. I started timing them and they were regular, but at about 5-6 minutes apart. I didn’t sleep from then on and continued in the same fashion up until around about 5am when they begun to slow. I was a little bit annoyed by this because I know people who have had surges (contractions) for days! I got up, told Marty about it all and he excitedly said oh so it’s ‘go time’ then. I had to explain that this could go on for days. He went off to work.
Early stages of labour
That day, I had multiple appointments booked that I cancelled because I wanted to be in my safe space, and didn’t want to inhibit anything from happening. I walked our pup, very slowly because things were still heavy, tight and sore. By this time I was still having surges but there were only about 1-3 in an hour. My sister had some breaks between her hairdressing clients so she suggested I come in and get a hair wash and blow wave for a bit of a distraction. It was lovely.
After I got home from the salon it was around lunchtime, Marty had come home from work and I began having surges again, at more regular intervals but still irregular. He left back to work and they ramped up a bit more. I messaged him and suggested he come home. They were getting a bit more intense and painful.
At 2.30pm my midwifes partner, (mine was on days off) came over and checked me. I was 2cm dilated which I knew didn’t really mean much. We both said goodbye not knowing whether tonight would be the night we would see one another again. Well...from then on the surges really picked up. I began needing some pain relief support. I relied on my hypnobirthing breathing, and a wheat bag. That helped. I had something to eat, knowing that if this was ‘go time’ as Marty would say, then I wanted to have some endurance for the event, no matter what turn it took. Eating was a challenge, not because I didn’t feel like it but because it would just go straight though me, and every time I needed to go to the toilet I would have quite an intense surge, not to mention the pain of the haemorrhoid I had gained over the week prior from baby dropping lower (not sorry for TMI-this is what we have to deal with).
From then on, Marty got on the contraction timer for me because my phone was too distracting. They were getting closer together and more intense. Starting with about 3-4 mins apart, then progressing to 1-2 minutes apart, and beginning to last for a longer duration of time. The pain I would feel with each surge was manageable, and I liken it to the extreme pain I get with periods due to endometriosis, and in all honesty the period pain I got with one of my post surgery periods last year was actually much worse than anything I felt on this day. The difference between these surges and my period pain was the intensity with the surges, my whole body felt like I was working so hard, harder than any workout I’ve ever done. In fact each surge made my body feel like I had completed a 45 minute CrossFit WOD and these were happening every 1-2 minutes! Phew, lucky I had something to eat earlier.
At this point I knew we needed to go to hospital, Marty called the midwife and I heard her voice on the phone saying ‘are they really unbearable’ and man is the mind powerful because then and there I thought, well no I can handle them and I endured a bit more and got him to call again and say we were coming up. Not because of the intensity and pain but because I knew the facts- I knew that when they are that close together, that was my cue, I needed to go. I also knew I could get sent back home if I hadn’t progressed enough but I was willing to risk it. I like to know what’s going on.
We got to hospital around about 6pm, I couldn’t sit on the seat of the car so I had knees on the floor leaning over the front seat. The pain was so intense in my lower back. It felt as though two people were having a tug of war at my tailbone area. Later I learned this was because her head was sitting so low.
We arrived, I had one of the most challenging and what felt like the longest surge in the hallway as we were walking into the maternity ward. I could have used my breathing but honestly by this point complaining and being vocal felt better. I got up on the bed, The midwife started filling the birth pool and she checked me. I was 8cm dilated. In my head I was thinking ‘shit yes', thank god I am not wasting her time’ in fact I think I even said that. Rach, my sister arrived soon after. Her and Marty were seriously such a great team-both offering different assistance that complimented one another’s. They weren’t stagnant, they worked alongside me giving me what I needed at the time. I laughed during one surge when Rach said to me, think of it like doing a pull up...I said don’t say that because pull ups felt easy compared with what was happening at the time.
I continued on having deep, intense surges but I don’t know if these were more manageable than the ones at home because of a new found adrenaline, or if it was because I was getting more of a break between. Also I was waiting for the pool to be filled so I know I was allowing my body to slow down. At this time, I was standing bent over with my elbows on the bed. Once the pool was filled I was in there, and gosh it was a nice form of pain relief. Things began to get more intense, tiring and harder. I knew I was needing to push and I began pushing while I was in there-when I felt the need. I needed safety at this time so having Rach and Marty in there was amazing, but my mum instincts were already kicking in because in my head I was thinking ‘what if she comes and the midwife isn’t in the room’. I would often yell out to her telling her to come back and that I needed her the poor women, it was our first meeting on that day and she was getting ordered around by me! I was using my breathing, and complaining and moaning. I said many times, ‘I need help’, and ‘I can’t do this’. Each time Rach and Marty offered words of support and help. I needed the encouragement, and that was me calling out for it. Again being vocal saying what I needed, felt good.
I knew I wasn’t progressing much in the pool. The pain became manageable, but again I think this is hormones but also Rach had this great technique that with every surge she would push down on my hips and lower back. It was a beautiful reminder that my baby is moving down, and at the same time it eased pain. After a while I was getting frustrated at myself because I knew I wasn’t doing what I needed to do. The midwife suggested I get out of the pool and have an exam to see if I was 10cm and should even be pushing.
As I got out, I knew she was coming I had the biggest urge to push. I held it though and went back to my favourite position, standing over the bed with elbows on the bed. I could feel her coming closer and I knew I needed to push harder. In all honesty I was holding back with the pushing earlier because it was so damn exhausting. Then, the midwife suggested to squat down a little bit, I did and this changed things. I think I did a few big pushes and I could feel her. Marty and Rach both cheering me on at this point, keeping me calm, reminding me of my breathing and sharing affirmations with me. On the last push I thought, I can’t be bothered doing this anymore I’m just going to use every ounce of energy I had left and push as hard as I could. So I did and much to my surprise and I think everyone else in the room, I could feel her turn and out she came where I received her, well both Marty and I did because she was too slippery and I was in an awkward position! I have never felt so relieved in my life. I instantly felt lighter and back to myself again, something I hadn’t felt all throughout my pregnancy.
From there it was all a blur. I lay on the bed, asked for the injection to deliver my placenta (which ruptured in birth) because I was so exhausted. We had skin to skin, Marty cut the cord, I somewhat breast fed where Porter gave me my first darn blister on my nip. The midwife stitched me up during this time. I had a second degree tear. I know people say that can be worse than the birth but it wasn’t for me, it was painful but I could talk and enjoy the fact that our baby had arrived. I was so over being pregnant.
There were plenty of other minor details and ones I probably can’t remember. But what I do know is; I did get the birth I planned and prepared for, the one that everyone told me you can’t be prepared for. Even if things took another turn, I had strategies up my sleeve for that.
I said to Andi, I don’t think I used any Hypnobirthing strategies in my labour and birth but come to think of it, they were all of the Hypnobirthing strategies - we find our own, from the toolbox in the context we are put in.
This birth isn’t just my story, it’s Marty’s, it’s Rachel’s and it’s our wee Porter’s too. Each and every one of us played important and active roles. The midwife I had for the birth was amazing, she was also Rach’s midwife so it was really nice and I feel, meant to be. All of the hospital staff were wonderful too, gosh they work hard and man we are lucky here at Wairau Hospital. Lastly, my own Midwife’s support has me lost for words. A friend said to me ‘I didn’t realise how amazing my midwife was until after birth.’ I couldn’t agree more.
I can’t say I want to do it again anytime soon, mainly because of pregnancy. But I just want all māmās to know how miraculous they are, how amazing our bodies are, and to be proud of their births because we all do our absolute 100% best in that situation!
You can find our more about Daina and her inspiring business Finding Your Beauty here.
